"I shall not seek and I will not accept, the nomination of my party for another term as your president"- President Lyndon Johnson, March 31, 1968
I think it is safe to say that everyone wants to be wanted. It is natural, normal and often times necessary to have that desire confirmed by friends, family and colleagues. In the case of Lyndon Johnson in 1968 some would say that he was assuming a lot. He was assuming that the country and/or his party actually wanted him to run again. It seems on the surface to be a noble gesture. Johnson was not going to divert any time, effort or energy toward an election when "American sons" were at war. But most of us know what they say happens when you "ass-u-me"!
This is not a blog about Lyndon Johnson, the election of 1968 or the Vietnam War. It is about how ego and humbleness can rage a battle within each of us. In this case, me!
Monday morning: It is 3rd Period and my Advanced Broadcasting class, which is quite small, is missing one student due to illness and the rest are off videoing or interviewing. As I sit at my desk in my empty classroom in walks an assistant principal and a woman I do not recognize. "Your presence is requested in the community room in the media center," says the assistant principal.
Then it happened. My ego and my humbleness clashed! My mind flashed. I remember receiving an email informing me that the "surprise announcement" of the Bob Finley Award winners would take place at this very time. Bob Finley was the head football and girls basketball coach at Berry High School who unexpectedly died the summer before the opening of the new Hoover High School. To honor the quality of man he was the Hoover school district established an award to recognize students and employees at Hoover City School for outstanding character.
I knew Bob Finley, I worked with Bob Finley....I am no Bob Finley. But wait! Why is my presence being requested? My department typically videos this announcement but no one said, "Hey grab a camera" . And might my missing students be down there ready to capture my "surprised" reaction on video?
My first reaction is one of fear! Has someone been foolish enough to nominate me for this honor? I believe I clean up nicely, I feel I am well liked and have a good relationship with my co-workers. But, seriously? I felt like Lyndon Johnson must have felt. I did not seek and I would not accept....
As I am walking down the hallway to the media center I notice that I am walking alone. Typically the winner is escorted into the room full of friends and family awaiting the big arrival. My mind is racing. I know who I am. I know I am not worthy of this award. I am thinking , "How will everyone react when I refused to accept it?"
This is not false modesty. Every winner since the beginning has talked about how shocked they have been to receive this award. Although it would be a tremendous honor and I would love to think that someone thought highly enough of me to make that nomination, I just didn't want it.
As in the cartoons, I could see the two different entities sitting on each of my shoulders. One representing my ego on one. My humility on the other.
"I have lived too long and experienced too many years that have fallen short of being the man I want/need to be. I could never accept it." That was my humble side talking.
However, Mr. Ego is telling me. "Brother, you are getting selected for the biggest recognition that Hoover City Schools bestows on someone. Believe it! It has to be you. You the man.", he says.
As I draw closer to the media center I have this feeling of dread. It was all so surreal.
"This can't be," says Mr. Humble. "You ain't that good."
"Shut up, Humble Pie, leave him alone. You deserve, this. You're a GREAT guy," says Mr. Ego!
To get to the community room you have to walk through the media center lobby. Just beyond the shelving I see the window into the room.
"Oh crap, this could be real," I think when I see one of my students sitting in the front row waiting for "someone" to enter.
Then as I enter the room the chairman of the Finley Committee walks straight up to me and sticks out his hand. I feel like I am going to throw up or pass out!
"I am sorry you won't be with us this year," he says knowing I will be in Florida with students the night of the banquet.
I stammer something in response and then had two different feelings rush over me: relief and embarrassment! I am not the one being honored. I am not being selected for having great character! My presence was requested to watch one of my former students receive the honor. Whew! I was never so glad in my life to NOT win something!
At the same time, I felt foolish to allow my ego to play me like it did.
Being nominated or selected for a Finley Award is not something I strive for. I am very competitive and I love to win. If I play or compete I want to be to victorious. But, one shouldn't win this kind of award if you seek it. It is counter intuitive.
As with Lyndon Johnson I was assuming something. Fortunately in my case it turned out to be a false assumption. So in conclusion, I guess the only thing that exceeds my humility is my modesty!
Thanks for reading!
Jeff
