Looking For Signs

LOOKING FOR SIGNS

It is said that we are either going into a valley,already in a valley or coming out of a valley.  I have been in a valley for the past several months and hopefully I am on my way out now.  There have been lots of people who have prayed for and with me about the valley I am climbing out of and I am so thankful for those who have listened to the same lament countless times. 

Much of my time has been spent in prayer too... but I was hesitant to turn everything over to God.  I thought I knew what His plan was and continue to pray for what I wanted; not necessarily what He had intended.  That is where "Looking for Signs" comes into this entry.

Let me take you back about 35 or so years.  You see, this is not the first time I have "wrestled" with God.  Anyone who knows me knows that I can be obsessive!  Some who are reading this are nodding their head and saying, "Ya think?"  Anyway, my obsessions have changed over the years.  I guess it is not unlike any type of addiction; you just move on to something else.

I guess you could go back even farther than 35 years.  When I was a kid my obsession was to play Major League Baseball.  Most desirable the St. Louis Cardinals.  I was long on desire but more than a bit short on talent.  I still believe, though, if I had the type of coaching that my own son has been exposed to that thing might have been different.   But I digress.

I loved the game.  Still do.  I worked hard at it too.  I would stand in my yard so that I could see my reflection in one of the windows of my house and practice my swing. I was always looking for a game or someone to play catch.  I usually was the first one at practice and the last one to leave.  This same trait carried over when I was playing high school and college basketball.  

If wanting it badly enough could have gotten me to the big leagues I would be in the Baseball Hall of Fame today.  And I prayed for it.  Constantly.  It was my greatest desire in life.  But it never happened for me.  So you move on; you adjust your goals.  If I couldn't make it to the big leagues as a player why not get there with another talent I had?  Talking!  Play-by-play.  Little did it occur to me that there are fewer broadcasters than ball players.  The odds were even MORE difficult!

I worked and worked and practiced and honed my craft.  I would turn the sound down on the TV and do P-B-P.  I listened to my broadcasting idol, Jack Buck and wanted to be just like him. I did games of my college team and took radio jobs in Canton and Jacksonville, IL before a nine-month stint in Iowa.  After getting married and returning to Decatur, IL I finally landed a gig with the Birmingham Barons.  Double-A baseball.  It was just a matter of time.

And I never stopped praying for the big leagues.  I never stopped praying for that major college play-by-play job.  Then in the late summer of 1987 God answered my prayer.  I was going to be allowed to work a pair of games at Old Comiskey Park.  The White Sox were letting me come up to the Windy City to broadcast Major League Baseball. 

They say that players who only spend a short time in the majors have had "a cup of coffee" in the show. Well mine was more like a sip.  Six innings.  The middle three innings on Tuesday and the middle three innings on Wednesday and I "knocked it out of the park."  Because of changes in the White Sox broadcast booths I felt certain I would land a job.  It never happened. 

The details can be left to another time but instead of finding myself in "the show" I was back to riding buses in the Southern League.  And I kept praying.  Should I stay in Double-A Birmingham?  Could I make the leap to the majors from there?  I sent out tapes and resumes to every major league team.  I even sent some to some Triple-A teams.  And I prayed: "God I am a Christian and look at how important a messenger I can be for you in the big leagues." 

I finally decided that I had to make the move to Triple-A and went for and landed a job with the Pawtucket Red Sox.  This was a great opportunity but was one of the loneliest times of my life.  I was away in Rhode Island while my wife and two little girls were back in Alabama.  And I prayed.  I prayed not for the money that a major league job would bring.  I prayed that God would see how valuable I would be to him.  What a platform to share the gospel and the good news and my faith to young men and women.  "God you know this is what you want for me."

I was in the valley.  I was one step away from the major leagues but I was away from my family.  I found Pawtucket to be dark and looming: a city that drained the energy from you the moment you drove into town.  Was it the city or was it the adversary?  And I prayed! 

My goal was to land my first full-time major league job by the time I was 35.  Long story made shorter...by 35 I was not only NOT in the major leagues...I was out of professional baseball.  And I prayed.  "Why God? Don't you know how important I am to you?  Don't you see how I can further your kingdom by me being in the big leagues?"  It never occurred to me that I had not done much to further His kingdom in the minor leagues.  You know, bloom where you are planted?

I became angry with baseball, the broadcasting industry, with my circumstances and with God.  My thoughts and motives were selfish and that valley grew deeper; contributing in part to the failure of my marriage.

But God did answered my prayer.  Now I did not hear His voice say this to me but in essence he said "Jeff, you want to have a platform before young people?  You want to have an impact on kids?  I am going to let you do that everyday."  Believe me, it was not the way I had wanted my prayer to be answered.  In 1992 I was hired to teach TV Production to high school students and I just finished my 20th year!

Okay, so what does that have to do with signs and the title of this entry?  I was always looking for signs that God wanted me in the big leagues.  I mean, getting called up to do the White Sox games is a pretty good sign, right?  I got the job in Pawtucket, beating out over 200 applicants for the job.  Surely that was a sign.

All my life I have been looking for that crystal clear moment of clarity that God wanted the same thing for me that I did.  My desires were not necessarily wrong but the importance I placed on them were.

Fast forward to present time.  As I wrote earlier I am coming out of a valley.  It is a relationship valley.  It was a relationship that I was sure that God had ordained. And I prayed.  I saw the signs!  Again, the details are best left idle for now but I was back to twisting God's arm again; wrestling with him...trying to convince Him to do things my way.  I had seen the signs and I had seen how everything came together at the exact right moment so that every detail fit into place.  It HAD to be God's will.  And I prayed.

I prayed that God would see all the things He had done to make things work exactly as they had.  I used God as a magic lamp to grant MY wish...to do what I wanted.  I wanted to prove to God that He would be glorified by keeping this relationship alive because of all the things that could not have happened by accident.

But just like with my dream of being a big league player or a major league announcer I was more focused on what it would do for me than what it would truly do for God.  The fact is, God doesn't need me to do anything; "... for I tell you, God is able from these stones to raise up children for Abraham."
(Matthew 3:9 ESV)  I am His to use how He wants to use me.

This most recent quest for signs led me to reflect on some of the valleys of my life. So I did get to the majors. I got six innings of major league baseball play-by-play. Thanks God!  And I had a wonderful relationship that was filled with going in and coming out of valleys. When that season was in full bloom it was some of the best moments of my life. It was real and meaningful but that season has now passed.

So what are the signs from God we should look for?  Last summer a colleague of mine was distressed over a work assignment.  She was stressed to the max with financial worry, the death of one of her parents and the illness of the other.  This new assignment was the last straw!  

She spoke of seeing signs of this and that.  She talked about her daughter interpreting something as a sign from God.   Finally after listening to her I told her what I should have been telling myself these past few months:
 The most definitive sign that God has ever given us is the sign of His son dying on the cross for our sins.  What greater sign could there be that God wants what is best for us? 

I believe there are no accidents; no coincidences.  I sometimes struggle with God's total sovereignty.  I am still a work in progress and strive to understand it more fully.  But I know that God has placed different seasons in my life...seeds you could say...that have been watered and cared for and provided to give me a glimpse of His grace.

Seasons come and go.   “All flesh is like grass and all its glory like the flower of grass.
The grass withers, and the flower falls, but the word of the Lord remains forever.”
 And this word is the good news that was preached to you.
(1 Peter 1:24-25 ESV)

Are you looking for signs in your life?  I know I probably will continue to look for signs of God's will in mine but I am climbing out of the valley knowing that the sign I MUST look for now and in the valleys to come is the CROSS.  What a sign!  What a Savior!

Thanks for reading!

Jeff