It has been two and half years since my father passed away and I was reflecting on the drive to the beach this weekend how much of an impact he had on my life. Here is part of the eulogy that I spoke at his funeral December 22, 2009:
At a funeral once I heard the minister make reference to the dash in the program denoting the date of birth---dash---and then the date of death. In Dad’s case, it would be December 30, 1917---dash---December 19, 2009. The really important thing is not so much the beginning and the end but the dash…how a person fills the time between being born and when they die. There are a lot of things that happened during those 91 years.
I once heard a man say that if he could do things over he would make all of the same mistakes again; only this time he would make them sooner. In one of my last conversations with Dad I ask him if he would change anything about his life and he said, “No, not really.”
I found that answer to be both sad and in a way comforting. Sad, because there were so many things he would have loved to have tried if he had had the guidance or support. It is comforting, however, to have lived a life with no regrets and to be content. He never envied or was jealous of what anyone else had.
He was a very competitive person. However, he was not competitive for power, or influence or money or for riches. But if it were a game of HORSE or horseshoes, canasta or wheelchair races he wanted to win and to be his best.
He loved his family, baseball in general and the Cardinals in particular. He loved milkshakes, cherry pie and pancakes.
He was creative, funny and imaginative. He converted our breakfast table on Sunday mornings into WSBS-The World’s Smallest Broadcasting Station-where he recreated old radio shows for us… pausing for commercial breaks for whatever product was on the kitchen table…whether it was holding up a box of Aunt Jemima Pancake mix or a bottle of Karo syrup. It was a broadcast that never extended beyond the walls of our kitchen…
He would have loved to have worked in broadcasting, something that I have been fortunate to do. He didn’t know back then how to get a job in broadcasting but he helped a lot of people hear or see the games by repairing their radios and TVs. He took great pride in his work and his work ethic; something that he passed on to us and I hope I have passed on to my children.
His competitiveness and his stubbornness were evident to the very end. He once told me he wanted to live as long as possible.... He had lost so much. But now, he can once again see…he can once again hear…he can once again walk. And even though he told me he was not very fast, he can once again run. And I know that if there are games in heaven, he is playing one right now!
That was in 2009 but something else struck me recently. I touched on it a little earlier. Dad was not materialist at all. He never coveted anything that other people had. Some thought he was tight with his money and to a certain extent he was. See, he never wanted what anyone else had; he just wanted what belonged to him. He was careful with his money and that was his right. I can never remember ever going without. He provided everything we needed.
There were things my mom would have liked to have done or had. There were often times that his thriftiness made life harder than it should have been, but he always was looking ahead to that "rainy day". We thought he was "tight" but after all it was his money. When he got older and we had more access to his finances we learned that he rarely turned down any appeal for a contribution. The checks may not have been for much..five dollars here and five dollars there...but he had trouble saying no.
I try to be generous too and focus my giving more specifically than my dad. Another traits that I gained from my father was pretty much a lack of desire for material things. Granted I do spend a lot of money eating out but I don't splurge on material items for myself and I will not go into debt to feed my ego or the ego of my children. What kind of legacy would that be leaving them?
I never wanted my family to do without either but there is something valuable in hearing the word "no" now and again.
And then there are others who seem to desire/lust/covet the material things of this world and the security that can come with them. It saddens me that a personal relationship has ended seemly based largely on a choice of comfort, contentment and security through materialism rather than contentment with being with a soul mate, best friend and love. One day you will learn that love wins! It always does in the end.
Its Father's Day and I would be giving my dad something because the calendar says I am supposed to. But as I listen to the sound of MY son sleeping I realize my dad gave me a great gift with his example. He could not be bought. He would never sell out. He never expected anything to come his way simply because he felt entitled to it. He worked hard and earned his way in life.
I don't have to apologize that God has given me all I need. I don't have to feel badly that my car is a Saturn and not a Mercedes or BMW. (you see I don't care) I don't have to worry about not living in a big house with a big bank account. I have learned what it is to be content with what God see fit for me to have at the time I need to have it.
The reality is I feel sad for those people who feel their contentment and their security can be placed in the things of this world.
So thanks, Dad for showing me that there is value in honesty and integrity. Thanks for showing me that you can live nearly 92 years and have no regrets. Thanks for knowing that your happiness was not found in things of this world but in family and loved ones. Thanks for teaching me never to sell out and that each of us should have enough self-worth that we can never be bought.
The greatest gift I could receive this Father's Day is knowing that I have passed some of those same values on to my children. I have been blessed beyond measure and I don't need a calculator to add up my assets to know that.
Thanks for reading!
Jeff
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